Secret
by DiabolicTenshi
Summary: Hikaru finds Pavel's diary and he reads it. First part of Enterprise Diaries series.


Warnings: OOCness, fluff, smut, slight angst, bad English

A/N: I used a stardate calculator so please forgive me if there's something wrong with it. Also, I'm pretty knew to the fandom and I've only seen the movie and there wasn't many Sulu/Chekov scene so I'm pretty sure they're out of character. I just wanted to write about some smutty yet cute interaction between them. Hope you'll like it anyway, reviews are welcomed as always!

Secret

-63910.17

It's getting more difficult. I doubt I can hide my feelings much longer. Today, Hikaru grinned at me when Spock kissed Uhura and I blushed. OMFG! I fucking blushed! I wanna sink with shame, I only hope against hope he didn't realize. Well, even if he realized, he will just think it was because of them… not because I have a secret crush on him…

-63895.36

I wonder what I should do… I regret thinking this way about Hikaru but I can't help it. I can never tell him my feelings however I want him to recognise me. To realize how much I struggle every day to hide my feelings. I would happily confess to him but I'm scared. I won't be able to live with the shame of rejection. Finally we have come to be on good terms with each other, I can't possibly ruin this 'friendship'. I can't ruin anything. He would be disgusted if he found out… I'm so pitiful… I hate myself… Maybe I should just die…

-63878.06

On Earth, humans celebrate Valentine's Day today. It's the day of lovers and couples. I wish I could just go to Hikaru and hug him at least, but I just can't! I'm lonely. I don't know what's wrong with me… I even cried a bit… I'm such a girl, it's utterly awkward…

-63860.46

Hikaru was sent to a mission. It's not dangerous though I'm worried. And I miss him, I think. I've been having this strange feeling inside my chest ever since he left… It's tearing me apart. I can't concentrate on my job like this. I truly am hopeless…

-63858.20

Hikaru came back. I'm relieved. I wanted to run up to him and give him a tight hug but then I reminded that I should rather not…

-63842.04

I can't continue working in the same atmosphere with Hikaru. I can't concentrate. I glance at him from time to time, making a complete idiot out of myself. I even lied to Captain Kirk, telling him I was exhausted and now I came back to my room, writing this freaking diary of mine. I'm like a pathetic virgin school girl, agonizing about feelings that would never be returned. Maybe I should talk to him… but I won't… I can't. Today, he sent me a worried look and even squeezed my shoulder a bit and I was crimson red in an instant, gasping for air. I'm miserable…

-63838.15

Another sleepless night. I want Hikaru to be here when I feel alone. I want him to hug me tight and kiss me passionately and make me feel alive again… The Captain ordered me to take a rest for a few days. I wonder if he suspects anything… Hope not.

-63835.54

No matter how much I fight against it, I MUST admit, at least here… I am hopelessly in love with Hikaru Sulu.

-63830.63 (Now)

Hikaru was gaping in astonishment. He knew he shouldn't had read it but when he had spotted his name he just couldn't resist. He also knew it was utterly inappropriate and he regretted it deeply but there was no turning back. He didn't know what to think. He had never guessed – no, he never _dared_ to hope Pavel felt more than friendship towards him. It was completely shocking… in an oddly wonderful way. After reading this everything seemed to gain a new meaning now he only had to think how to tell Pavel _his_ feelings. He didn't need to wait much long…

Pavel entered the room and was rather surprised to find Hikaru sitting on his bed. He forced himself to sound as casual as possible when he spoke, "Hi! Can I help-?" A jolt of horror swept through his whole body and he froze on the spot as he recognised the thing Hikaru was holding. His mouth went dry and his eyes widened in panic. It was his _diary_! He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Of course, Hikaru hadn't read it. There was no way, he wasn't that kind of guy, surely he was just… oh, hell he had read it!

His breath was caught in his throat and his heart literally skipped a beat in fear as Hikaru asked a question.

"Is it true?"

Pavel was done, for sure. He felt his cheeks burning in embarrassment and he was staring at the floor determined. For many minutes, he couldn't even form a coherent thought then panic swept him over again. 'What should I do? I can't deny the obvious!' He mentally cursed himself for being such an idiot and leaving his diary in sight and he also cursed his bad luck for having Sulu finding the damn thing. Anyone would have been better…

"Pavel?" Came a soft question and Pavel accepted his doom and finally looked up only to find Hikaru standing right in front of him, waiting patiently, his expression unreadable. Pavel wanted to sink with shame.

"You don't have to worry about it, no one knows it." He mumbled defeated, voice hoarse and throat dry. He took a step back, not that it wasn't good to have Hikaru so close to him but this whole situation was already awkward more than enough, he didn't want to escalate.

"That wasn't an answer to my question."

Pavel fixed his eyes on the floor again, feeling his cheeks burning even more. The thoughts in his head were spinning so fast he thought he would pass out. Then finally, he admitted in an almost inaudible tone.

"I'm afraid… yes." There was a long silence which was literally killing Pavel so he gathered his courage at last and forced himself to look back at Sulu and speak. " I'm terribly sorry. I don't mean to cause you any trouble and I swear I'll never-" He went silent in the middle of a sentence as he realized Sulu was smiling. 'Great.' He thought ironically. He didn't understand his reaction because the situation wasn't funny at all!

"It's okay, I'm not angry with you." Hikaru said and Pavel frowned, confused.

Was that supposed to make him feel better? Or worse? He might not been angry but he was disappointed? That would be even worse. Or was he disgusted? He wouldn't have been surprised.

Suddenly, a hand was placed on Pavel's nape and he jerked at the contact and stared at Hikaru with his brows furrowed then in the next moment came the most shocking thing and he froze, because Hikaru's lips were on his. It lasted only for a bare second and Pavel wasn't even sure if it had happened at all but his heart was about to rip out of his chest. He stared into Hikaru's dark eyes amazed and was surprised to find uncertainty there.

"Okay, now I'm really messed up." Pavel chuckled nervously.

"Me too." He admitted honestly. "Because, I'm afraid… I love you, too." He grinned shyly and Pavel really thought he would faint. This whole thing was just crazy and unbelievable, like a dream would come true. He even pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

He gave a nervous but happy smile as they continued staring at each other for more than two minutes by now, trying to figure out what to do next…

Then Pavel decided he should take action and leant forward, pressing his lips against Hikaru's. It was only a few seconds longer than their previous 'kiss', if it was okay to be called that but both of them thought it was amazing and when they pulled back, they were smiling genuinely and there wasn't even a hint of nervousness in them.

At the next moment Hikaru leant forward in the same time as Pavel and their mouths crashed against each other in mid-way, their eyes being shut tight. While claiming each other hungrily, Hikaru wrapped an arm around Pavel's slim but firm waist while he slid his palm to rest on his nape and pushed him against the closed door not too gently but neither of them cared. Pavel moaned into the kiss as Hikaru's whole body was being pressed against his, giving a perfect opportunity to the other to slide his tongue into his mouth, starting a playful tongue-battle. Pavel wrapped his arms around Hikaru to deepen the passionate but rough kiss, all teeth and tongues.

Pavel couldn't think, he didn't dare to and he didn't want to, so he just kissed back mindlessly, enjoying Hikaru's warmth he had been dreaming of so many times already. He had imagined this moment so often but now he just couldn't believe it was really happening.

He pulled Hikaru closer, wanting to feel him more and the other grinned into the kiss then slid a hand down and grabbed his bottom, squeezing it slightly. This caused Pavel to gasp in surprise and broke the kiss but still he didn't dare to open his eyes. He could hear Hikaru chuckling softly then felt his long, slim finger trailing down his left cheek, caressing it. Pavel's skin burnt where he was touched and he opened his eyes at last, managing a small smile. Hikaru looked into his eyes encouragingly and smiled wider as he brushed his thumb over Pavel's swollen, lower lip.

"Tell me what you want." He whispered and Pavel stared at him in bewilderment but Hikaru's eyes reassured him it was neither a joke nor a dream.

"I want you, Hikaru." He mumbled after a bit of hesitation, blushing as he was waiting for Hikaru's expression but he only smiled happily (though his eyes were burning with lust). He pulled Pavel closer and kissed him deeply, sucking on his lips before pushing his tongue inside to slowly explore his mouth again.

Pavel closed his eyes, giving himself completely to the wonderful sensation and they stumbled towards his bed, never breaking the kiss. The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell on it, gasping slightly at the sudden loss of Hikaru's body but he didn't need to worry because said boy was already on top of him, kissing his jawline then his neck greedily, sucking the skin so hard Pavel was sure there would be a bruise later.

Thenk Hikaru was on his lips again, kissing him slowly but passionately while he slid his fingers under Pavel's shirt, exploring the skin. Pavel thought he could have a better use of his own hands than just keeping them lying on either side of him and he moved to touch the skin of Hikaru's torso, causing his breath to hitch. He couldn't hold back a small grin of triumph though it didn't last long as Hikaru practically straddled him, their awakening erection being brushed against each other through the thin fabric of clothes.

"Oh, fuck." Pavel moaned after they broke apart, removing Hikaru's shirt in a hurry while Hikaru was doing the same to him.

"If that's what you want." Hikaru teased with a grin and Pavel's heart skipped a beat. He didn't give himself time to get nervous, he had been longing for this moment for too long and there was no way he would turn back if Hikaru was ready to give him everything.

"Well, if you're okay with that." He had to make sure. Hikaru only replied with a playful smirk and a quick yet deep kiss. He was about to pull back when Pavel placed his palm on his nape, not allowing him to break the kiss but encouraging him to continue and he was happy to obey.

While kissing, Hikaru slid a hand between their topless bodies, palming Pavel's half-hard erection through his trousers, earning a moan which was swallowed by his hungry lips. Suddenly, Hikaru was rolled to his back with Pavel on top of him, with a naughty grin spreading across his face. He unzipped Hikaru's trousers and pulled them down along with his boxers, freeing his now painfully hard erection.

Hikaru stared at him surprised. "You don't have to- ahh!"

He was cut off as Pavel leant forward and took the tip of his manhood into his mouth, sucking it gently. He knew he was pretty inexperienced but he had secretly wanted to do this for ages and now that he had the chance he wanted to give it a shot and also, the small moans of pleasures coming from Hikaru verified he was doing a pretty good job for an amateur. He took him deeper in his mouth step by step, running his tongue along the hot flesh to wet it then started bobbing his head up and down while Hikaru was gripping his hair tightly, having a tough time not to buck his hips into that wonderfully sinful mouth.

It was strange at first for Pavel and he wanted to continue it, to do it better but Hikaru pulled him up by his hair as a sign it was time to progress further. He only nodded then reached for the bedside table and pulled a bottle of oil from the top drawer.

"Prepared, aren't you?" Hikaru teased as he took the bottle from Pavel who only grinned sheepishly as he was busy freeing himself from his clothes.

"I thought someday I might need it." He admitted as he climbed into Hikaru's lap, releasing a relieved breath as their naked bodies pressed together. Hikaru trailed the back of his hand down on his cheek lovingly then pulled him into a slow, lingering kiss while covering his member with lube. Soon, the need became almost unbearable and they broke apart and Pavel lied down the bed, watching as Hikaru took place between his legs.

"Are you ready?" He asked as he spread his legs wider, positioning himself at the right place.

"I don't know." Pavel admitted honestly and there was a hint of fear in his voice. "Just do it."

"Relax. Tell me if you're hurt and I'll stop." Hikaru ensured him after placing a small peck on his lips. Pavel nodded and closed his eyes tight, trying to calm himself.

Hikaru placed his knees on each sides of his shoulder then pushed forward a bit, only the tip of his erection going in. Pavel hissed in discomfort but told him to continue. No matter how hard it was, Hikaru did it as slow as possible, pushing forward carefully, not wanting to hurt Pavel who was really grateful for the kind treatment.

When Hikaru was finally fully in, Pavel released a long sigh what he had been holding back the whole time. It was slightly uncomfortable and strange but it also felt wonderful. He felt complete and that thought made him smile. Hikaru leant forward to give him another passionate kiss and he was lucky that Pavel was so flexible because he practically folded him in half.

"You can move now." Pavel breathed against his lips and Hikaru had been waiting for this. He grabbed his hips firmly and pulled back a bit then thrust forward, causing Pavel to moan loudly.

"Oh, fuck, yes!" He shut his eyes tight but reached for Hikaru and wrapped his arms around his torso, his legs dropping from his shoulders to the bed. Hikaru took it as a sign to continue and he was happy to obey once again. He continued pushing back and forth steadily, creating a nice rhythm soon and Pavel was starting to thrust back against him just in the right times. The air around them became hot and steamy and only their lustful moans could be heard when they broke the kiss from time to time to get some air.

Hikaru used a hand to stroke Pavel's painfully hard erection in time with his thrusts and soon, Pavel was pushed over the edge and he came with a loud moan, his body going numb, his head being thrown back in ecstasy. Feeling the muscles tightening around him made Hikaru to reach his own climax in the next second and he came hard into Pavel with a manly groan, collapsing on top of the other, panting heavily.

He rolled next to him after a good minute, not wanting to crash the worn-out Pavel with his dead-weight. Pavel turned to wrap an arm around him, cuddling up sleepily.

"Wow." He panted in a weak tone but his smile was bright with joy. "Just… wow."

"Yeah, exactly." Hikaru grinned, pulling him closer.

There were minutes of comfortable silence until Pavel started speaking again. "You know, it would be fair to let me read _your_ diary." He suggested and Hikaru's eyes twitched in shock. Thinking about it, he figured out it would be best to burn his own diary before Pavel finding it, there were just too many dirty things written down there. After a little silence he placed a soft kiss on Pavel's forehead, and then replied:

"No way."


End file.
